The Inward Spiral: You’re Missing the Point

Vanessa Harris
Nov 10
3 min read

A friend of mine recently shared something that’s been on her mind since moving across the world. She told me about the expectations she carried, how she imagined her time abroad as this life-altering experience. But the more she tried to make the experience profound, the less she actually felt it.

She told me about a passage from Zhuangzi, the story of an archer who, when shooting for nothing, has all his skill. But the moment a prize is introduced (a copper coin, or worse, a golden one) he becomes nervous. His knowledge is the same, yet his focus wavers. The desire to win changes everything.

Her reflection stayed with me. It made me think about how often we, as a society, place our attention on outcomes instead of experiences. We strive for the end goal, the transformation, the polished version of success, while forgetting that the real magic lives in the process itself. Clear goals still matter; they point the way. Presence is how we actually travel through our life experiences.

Last week between classes in Latvia, I walked a familiar trail. I breathed in the cold air, boots on the wet sandy earth, and I let out a long exhale after teaching. Nothing dramatic happened, yet I felt alive, and steady, and inspired. That ordinary moment reminded me why the practice of living in the little moments themselves is the whole point.

When I look at my own life, I see this pattern so clearly. Whether it is fitness, career growth, or personal healing, the moments I have been most consumed by a particular goal have also been the moments I felt the least connected to myself. I would chase results so intently that I lost touch with the quiet beauty of doing: the learning, the trial and error, the discovery of what truly feels good.

What if the process is the actual prize?

What if fitness is not about reaching a number or achieving a look, but about falling in love with the feeling of movement, noticing how nourishing food and fresh air begin to change how you show up for life? What if growth is less about who we become at the end and more about how we meet ourselves along the way, in all our shifting forms?

When we become consumed by outcomes, we step out of the moment. We stop experiencing life and start trying to control it. When we loosen our grip, we begin to see that meaning is found in the doing, in showing up for ourselves with curiosity instead of expectation.

It may sound simple, but the truth rarely needs dressing up: life really is about the journey, not the destination. The whole point is the experience itself. Perhaps the most freeing thing we can do is to stop trying to win the prize and start living the practice.

Take a moment to reflect:

Where in your life are you holding tightly to an expectation? What might shift if you softened your focus, not to abandon the goal, but to fall back into the experience itself? Sometimes the most profound transformation happens not when we reach for more, but when we allow ourselves to be where we already are.

With lightness and curiosity,

Vanessa