The Inward Spiral: Why Authenticity Is the Beginning of Change

Vanessa Harris
Jul 28
4 min read

Sometimes I look at the state of the world and feel overwhelmed. There’s so much to grieve. So much we’ve normalized. And so much we’ve forgotten to question. But after reading the final chapter of The Myth of Normal by Dr. Gabor Maté, something settled inside me.

He doesn’t offer a 10-step plan to change the world. He doesn’t pretend to have all the answers. But he does offer a direction. One that doesn’t start with systems or solutions. It starts with the self.

With reclaiming our authenticity in a world that teaches us to perform. With making peace with our anger, our agency, and our needs, rather than packaging them up to be more palatable.

With becoming the kind of people who can contribute to a more compassionate, less fragmented society. Not through perfection, but through presence.

Authenticity: The Antidote to “Normal”

Gabor calls authenticity “medicine for the collective sickness of normality”. And I felt that sentence in my bones. Because the pressure to be “normal”, to fit in, to please, to not draw attention to myself has shaped so much of my life.

I spent years trying to become someone who looked like she had it all together. The job. The marriage. The steady paycheque. The version of me that smiled in photos even when she was falling apart in private. I don’t blame anyone for that, not even myself. I was surviving. I was doing what I was taught: be nice, be productive, don’t be too much.

But the longer I wore that mask, the more disconnected I became. From my needs. From my joy. From my body.

The return to authenticity wasn’t sudden or dramatic. It was quiet. It started with small decisions:

Saying no when I used to say yes.
Listening to the tightness in my chest instead of pushing through it.
Letting myself change my mind, even when it confused or disappointed others.

Authenticity isn’t about being bold or rebellious. It’s about being real. And in a world so obsessed with surface, that alone is radical.

The Inward Spiral Is Not Selfish

Sometimes people think focusing inward is selfish. But what if it’s the opposite?

What if every person who committed to their own healing became a little more:

Patient in conversation
Regulated under stress
Curious instead of defensive
Grounded instead of reactive

Wouldn’t that shift families? Communities? Workplaces? Maybe even governments?

We’ve seen what happens when people in positions of power lead from fear and reactivity. What if more people led from integration?

The 4 A’s of Real Change

Maté’s framework of the 4 A’s has stayed with me. Not as a checklist, but as a gentle compass.

Authenticity

As we’ve seen, this is the foundation. Without it, everything else is performance. It’s how we disrupt the myth of normal: not by fixing others, but by showing up fully as ourselves.

Agency

The sense that you have choice. Not control over everything, but sovereignty over how you respond, what you align with, and what you no longer tolerate.

Anger

Often seen as a problem, anger is actually a protector. When I feel it rising, I try to ask, What part of me is trying to be heard right now? Anger, when honoured rather than weaponized, can lead to clarity.

Acceptance

Not resignation, but recognition. The courage to see what is, without denial or distortion. It’s from this place that real change, both internal and external, becomes possible.

Activism and Advocacy: Ripples, Not Revolutions

These words can feel big, almost intimidating. But Maté reminds us that activism doesn’t have to look like a protest. Advocacy doesn’t need a podium.

Sometimes, advocacy is how you parent.

Or how you set a boundary in a meeting.

Or how you write an article for 100 readers, not 100,000.

Sometimes, it’s telling the truth about your life in a way that lets someone else breathe easier.

Closing Thought: If Everyone Looked Inward

I don’t have a blueprint for a trauma-informed world. But I know what happens when I stop outsourcing my value. When I show up as myself instead of a curated version of who I think I should be.

I know how that softens my relationships.

I know how that strengthens my voice.

And I know how that makes space for others to do the same.

What if enough of us did that?

What if the spiral inward wasn’t the end of the journey, but the beginning of a different kind of world?

With lightness and curiosity,

Vanessa