Healing Isn’t Linear: Embracing the Flow of Life’s Challenges

Healing isn’t a straight line. It’s messy, unpredictable, and full of ups and downs. If you’ve ever felt like you’re making progress only to get knocked back by life, you’re not alone. I’ve been there too. For most of my life, I thought healing was something I could achieve if I just worked hard enough—if I followed the right steps, stuck to the right routines, and stayed strong no matter what. But life taught me a much different lesson.

The Search for Healing

When my world fell apart in 2022, I threw myself into hunting for ways to “fix” everything. I started therapy, yes, but I also devoured every self-help book I could find, listened to endless podcasts, tried new diets, and pushed myself through intense exercise routines. I was determined to outwork my pain and prove to myself that I could be okay.

For a while, it felt like it was working. I’d have stretches where I felt stronger, calmer, and more in control. But healing has a way of reminding you that it’s not a straight path. Work stress would hit, and I’d feel like I was back at square one. Then came 2024, a year of new challenges. My uncle passed away unexpectedly, and my grandfather became ill. It was like grief had set up camp in my life, and no matter how hard I worked or how many “solutions” I tried, I couldn’t outrun it.

What I didn’t realize then was that healing wasn’t about working harder or finding the perfect solution. It wasn’t about fixing myself. True healing began to come when I let go of the idea that I could control everything and started learning how to simply show up for myself—imperfectly, and with compassion.

Palliser Range, Alberta

The Roots of the Struggle

Looking back, I can see how much of my adult struggles were shaped by my childhood. My parents were addicted to drugs, and from a young age, I felt like I had to be the perfect daughter to compensate. I didn’t want the outside world to know what was happening at home, so I worked hard to make everything look okay on the surface. But inside, I carried so much stress and anxiety.

I spent most of my time with my grandparents, who were my safe haven. But even that wasn’t without heartbreak. Just before I graduated high school, my grandmother passed away. Followed, years later, by my grandfather. The people who had been my rock through so much, gone forever. Losing them was devastating, and it felt like the weight of my whole life finally came crashing down on me.

All of this left me with patterns I didn’t even realize I was carrying. I was so used to hiding my emotions, prioritizing everyone else’s needs, and pretending everything was fine that I didn’t know how to let myself feel. That’s the thing about healing—it forces you to confront the parts of yourself you’ve been avoiding. And that’s where the real growth begins.

The Ups and Downs of Healing

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that healing doesn’t happen all at once. It comes in waves. There are moments of clarity and peace, and then there are setbacks—stressful days, loss, grief, and emotions you thought you’d already worked through. And that’s okay. Healing isn’t about getting it right every time; it’s about showing up for yourself, even when it feels hard.

For me, movement became one of my anchors. Not as a way to escape or achieve something, but as a way to reconnect with my body and process my emotions. When I couldn’t find the words to describe what I was feeling, a slow yoga flow or a walk outside gave me the space to feel it without judgment. Therapy helped me understand that I didn’t need to fix everything all at once, and that it was okay to take things one step at a time.

Seton Lake, British Columbia

Finding Meaning in the Mess

If you’re in the middle of your own healing journey, I want you to know that it’s okay to not have it all figured out. It’s okay to feel like you’re making progress one day and struggling the next. Healing isn’t about perfection; it’s about learning to move through life’s challenges with grace, flexibility, and compassion for yourself.

I’m still on this journey too. I’m still learning how to let go of the need to be perfect, to honor my own needs, and to find balance in a world that often feels overwhelming. But what I’ve learned is that healing isn’t something you achieve—it’s something you live. It’s a practice, a process, and most importantly, a flow.

How to Embrace the Flow of Healing

If you’re struggling, here are some things that have helped me along the way:

1. Let Go of Perfection: Healing doesn’t have to look a certain way. Progress is progress, no matter how small.

2. Honor Your Emotions: Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up, even if it’s uncomfortable. Emotions are meant to move through us, not be suppressed.

3. Find Your Anchors: Whether it’s movement, journaling, therapy, or quiet moments in nature, find practices that ground you.

4. Be Patient with Yourself: Healing takes time. Give yourself the same kindness you’d offer a close friend.

Alaska Highway Borrow Pit 1, British Columbia

You’re Not Alone

Healing isn’t easy, and it doesn’t always make sense. But if there’s one thing I know, it’s that you don’t have to do it alone. That’s why I created Ayana Flow—to share what I’ve learned and create a space where we can move, heal, and grow together.

Wherever you are on your journey, I’m honored to walk this path with you. Let’s embrace the flow, one step at a time.

What does healing look like for you right now? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments or on social media. Let’s support each other as we navigate this beautiful, messy process.